Everybody Ready For Some Emotional Abuse?

Welcome to the DolFan Hotel's restaurant. Our breakfast special today is two entrees of gloom and doom, with a main course of abject despair followed by a dessert of ennui. That's also our special for lunch and dinner as well. Come to think of it, that's all we serve so it's not actually "special" from a technical or rational sense. Just like the Dolphins team, really. But at least afterwards we offer plenty of restrooms for you to vomit into the toilet, and the pillowcases in our rooms are composed of extra thick material to absorb the tears our guests frequently emit.

Also, if you mention Chris Grier's name you get all this and more for half price. It never ceases to amaze me how many of our guests are unable to say it for some strange reason though. It's the darndest thing listening to them struggle to get it out. Oh well, their loss. As a DolFan I'm assuming you're all too familiar with losses, am I right?

(Sighs.) Why oh why am I stuck in THIS job??? Oh that's right, when I interviewed for a position on the staff at that much fancier Bills hotel down the road, the one all the cool people love going to, they told me I had too much personal integrity to take me on. Too much personal integrity!!! Can you believe it? (Shakes head and walks off.)