The Patriots' Evil Plan

Somehow, some way after the 2000 season, somebody associated with that team found a way to get access to alien technology that included a time machine (literally the only possible way they could've known Brady's career would turn out the way it did), cybernetics (the real reason Brady's played better after 40 than any other pro athlete in human history), and mind control tech that makes opposing coaches constantly and consistently go stupid late in games that the Pats trail as well as make every other NFL team constantly think giving draft picks to the Pats is a great idea).

But the most devious, dastardy, diabolical component of their plan for NFL domination is how they've managed to constantly send ex-assistant coaches out to wreck other teams from within by completely sucking as head coaches. I mean, you'd think ONE of the roughly 50 ex-Pats assistants would pan out, but nope. They ALL have been utterly horrible once they leave the proverbial nest. What are the odds?

(BTW don't forget that I warned you guys when I found out Flores was being considered that this would happen. Because I won't let you.)